Searching....

Chuck has agreed to move to clarington. I couldn't be happier!
It will be so much easier finding a place :)

I have replied to a couple ads today, but what im really waiting for is the newspaper tonight.

Fingers crossed.

Bath time.

Can I just say how much I love bath time now. Well other than the facy that its a battle for ethan to let me wash his hair. But its so much fun now to see him play in the tub, he is such a water baby just like his momma :) I feel like bath time is such a bonding experience.

Homeless.

Why is it so hard for us to find a place. Like I understand it is not easy for everybody but I just don't understand why I am having a hard time. I feel like all the pressure is on me, to find us a house, and i cant.
I don't know why, but it seems impossible.

Ive been looking since December.
FUCKING DECEMBER !
and nothing.

I just want to be with my family.
And no I don't mean my mom and such, even though I love seeing them all the time don't get me wrong
But I want to be with my boyfriend, and our kids.
And I cant.

Chuck has to live in a fucking trailer, because no one will take him in because of his dog.
And I am at my mothers with Ethan.
I am very grateful for my mother, taking care of me and Ethan for the past couple of months.
But like I said before, I just want my family.

I'm afraid that this not being able to live with each other is going to make me and chuck move farther apart emotionally. Its taking a huge tole on our relationship only being able to see each other once a month.  I'm afraid its going to push us apart to the point that we wont be able to fix what we have together, and that scares me alot. Its getting to the point that I'm emotionally drained now. That I can't think I can do this anymore, and that maybe just MAYBE its a sign saying we shouldn't be together.

I'm not sure.

But I'm very tired.

Belated anniversary :)

So Chuck and I have been together two years as of April 16th. Yes a day after Ethan was born is our anniversary haha. He was the best one year present ever!!! Lol.

But since Chuck and I have been put threw the ringer lately we didn't get to celebrate our anniversary til a month after, which isn't that big of a deal.

We got to go out to dinner just the two of us. We haven't gotten to do that in over a year!! Its hard to get a sitter for 4 kids under 5 lol. But we went to this little restaurant in town called the Massey house. Ive never been there so it seemed like a good fit.

Our dinner was amazing. Literally. Chuck is so picky to about restaurant found, he usually complains about something on it or something he would have done differently to it.  So for him not to complain, was awesome.

Sitting with him in the restaurant, being able to sit and talk to him and just listen to what he has to talk about. Was nice. Being able to sit and laugh with him reminded me of why I fell in love with him.

It was a much needed weekend together. :)

Up to scale.

Okay, I just want to put this out there about the people talk about people who are over weight.
This is just my point of view cause I have been struggling with my weight my entire life.
Always being the bigger girl.

1) I don't know where people get off assuming all over weight people are "pigs" or "slobs".
Everyone is built differently, just because they have a weight issue doesn't mean they sit there all day stuffing there face with doritos.

2) Did you ever think maybe it was more then just a weight problem? Like a actual medical issue.
Betcha didn't, well some do. And they can't help the fact that there over weight.

3) Stop judging them, because as being a over weight person myself, and knowing this first hand. There judging themselves fine without your help.

Growing up threw elementary school and especially high school!! Thinking of myself as a stupid fat piece of shit because I was so much heavier then basically 80% of the school. Putting my self down, and got to the point of hurting myself because I was so upset that I couldn't fit into a size 4. Always thinking and judging myself in the back of my mind "your the fattest one in the room".

I still catch myself sometimes thinking that way.
It's a hard habit to break.
Thankfully, now I have a man who reminds me everyday about how much he loves me.
And makes me feel so very special.

So before you go judging someone on there weight, stop and think.

How much are they judging themselves already?

Worthless.

This apartment/house hunting is really starting to get to me.
Since Dec, I have been looking.
and nothing.!
Peterborough is starting to look very very unlikely.
Starting to think we have to look in different areas now.
Unfortuantly because I really wanted Peterborough, and so did my brother in law.
My brother in law David is going to be living with us to help us with rent until we get onto our feet (again).
I am very thankful that David is willing to help out with us.
But I am having literally no luck finding a place.

God help us.

First steps!

So tonight at my aunt marcias house, ethan took his first steps!!!!!

I almost cried.

It was one of the most exciting things, I have ever witnessed.

Truly was a great moment, especially because we were surrounded by family who were just as excited.

Ilysm ethan!!

Its going to be hard.

So yesterday I realized how much my parents and ethan have gotten close. He is so attached to them that I don't think that he is going to cope very well when we move out. We have been living at my parents since December, he has gotten use to seeing them everyday, and he just loves them so much.

I am so grateful for my parents. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my parents.

But, chuck and I are looking for a new place in Peterborough ( I refuse to live far away from my family )
We've been having a hard time finding a place but I think were getting close.

I just really hope Ethan will be able to cope leaving his Gramie & Grampie.