Count down !!!!

2 weeks until Chuck and I move into our new apartment!!!!!

Im so excited

Walking distance to everything.
2 storeys
Love it.

Coming soon...

it's hard to believe that september is only a couple months away. this time last year me and chuck were talking about when we're gonna try for another baby in september. honestly the place we are right now I don't see that happening anytime soon! as much as it pains me to say there's no way we can bring another life into the world right now.

Canada day weekend

Just got back from the Arden family cottage, which is in Ottawa on lake Johnson. Most beautiful place ever! Got to see my uncle Ron and aunt Joan and cousins Adam and Michael who I literally see once a year if I'm lucky. Some days I wish we were able to live closer :( so this visit was extra special because my aunt M her hubby and there 4 kids were there and also my aunt K, her hubby and there son.

So there lots of people and it was great company.

I think the highlight of my weekend was when my cousins and dad saved two baby raccoons. One that had fallen in the lake and one that was so scared it had it had its head under a rock. So Adam, because he thinks he is macho went in and grabbed the one baby out of the water, while trying to get his dog from attacking it all at the same time . That was kind of traumatizing, not going to lie lol

Then there's Michael who apparently thinks he is a raccoon whisperer, got bit. Tiny little teeth mark, but still lol his calmly saying "shhh stop it" didn't work lmao.

Adam got them both out, and put them in the Woods, were I just keep telling myself that their mommy found them and they left into the forest. Which truthfully prob didn't happen :(

Together

Its been a couple weeks since ive blogged... Lost my voice for acouple weeks I guess and couldn't find something to write about.

But last night while on Facebook I started noticing some things. Every one talks about the need to stop bullying in schools. Last night I started noticing something.

Moms bullying other moms.
Wth?

I (until last night) was a Co admin to a group that a friend of mine made, a "mom" group. Some where to discuss topics and ask questions. Which I thought was a great idea!
Until like most groups someone had to ruin it for everyone else.  Shoving there opinions in peoples faces, putting down other parents and there childs developments.

For someone to have the NERVE to put down someone else's child is.disgusting. Every child is different for you to think putting down there child/parenting skills is okay just because you put "IMO" (in my opinion) doesnt make it okay.

Curses

Why do people compare me to a trucker? Or sailor?

I'm sorry that I speak my mind and that curse words are part of my vocabulary... And yes ill be the first to admit using them doesn't phase me anymore which I'll agree it probably should, but id be lying if I said it did.

But because I swear doesn't mean my points are any less true. Im blunt, sometimes to much but I like it that way. I don't do it to hurt any ones feelings. Believe me that's never my first intention. But I don't see the point in being fake with people.

So how I see it, you want my opinion then you want my actual opinion. So don't get mad at me when I give it to you. If you don't want it, don't ask me for it.

Straight and simple.

Searching....

Chuck has agreed to move to clarington. I couldn't be happier!
It will be so much easier finding a place :)

I have replied to a couple ads today, but what im really waiting for is the newspaper tonight.

Fingers crossed.

Bath time.

Can I just say how much I love bath time now. Well other than the facy that its a battle for ethan to let me wash his hair. But its so much fun now to see him play in the tub, he is such a water baby just like his momma :) I feel like bath time is such a bonding experience.

Homeless.

Why is it so hard for us to find a place. Like I understand it is not easy for everybody but I just don't understand why I am having a hard time. I feel like all the pressure is on me, to find us a house, and i cant.
I don't know why, but it seems impossible.

Ive been looking since December.
FUCKING DECEMBER !
and nothing.

I just want to be with my family.
And no I don't mean my mom and such, even though I love seeing them all the time don't get me wrong
But I want to be with my boyfriend, and our kids.
And I cant.

Chuck has to live in a fucking trailer, because no one will take him in because of his dog.
And I am at my mothers with Ethan.
I am very grateful for my mother, taking care of me and Ethan for the past couple of months.
But like I said before, I just want my family.

I'm afraid that this not being able to live with each other is going to make me and chuck move farther apart emotionally. Its taking a huge tole on our relationship only being able to see each other once a month.  I'm afraid its going to push us apart to the point that we wont be able to fix what we have together, and that scares me alot. Its getting to the point that I'm emotionally drained now. That I can't think I can do this anymore, and that maybe just MAYBE its a sign saying we shouldn't be together.

I'm not sure.

But I'm very tired.

Belated anniversary :)

So Chuck and I have been together two years as of April 16th. Yes a day after Ethan was born is our anniversary haha. He was the best one year present ever!!! Lol.

But since Chuck and I have been put threw the ringer lately we didn't get to celebrate our anniversary til a month after, which isn't that big of a deal.

We got to go out to dinner just the two of us. We haven't gotten to do that in over a year!! Its hard to get a sitter for 4 kids under 5 lol. But we went to this little restaurant in town called the Massey house. Ive never been there so it seemed like a good fit.

Our dinner was amazing. Literally. Chuck is so picky to about restaurant found, he usually complains about something on it or something he would have done differently to it.  So for him not to complain, was awesome.

Sitting with him in the restaurant, being able to sit and talk to him and just listen to what he has to talk about. Was nice. Being able to sit and laugh with him reminded me of why I fell in love with him.

It was a much needed weekend together. :)

Up to scale.

Okay, I just want to put this out there about the people talk about people who are over weight.
This is just my point of view cause I have been struggling with my weight my entire life.
Always being the bigger girl.

1) I don't know where people get off assuming all over weight people are "pigs" or "slobs".
Everyone is built differently, just because they have a weight issue doesn't mean they sit there all day stuffing there face with doritos.

2) Did you ever think maybe it was more then just a weight problem? Like a actual medical issue.
Betcha didn't, well some do. And they can't help the fact that there over weight.

3) Stop judging them, because as being a over weight person myself, and knowing this first hand. There judging themselves fine without your help.

Growing up threw elementary school and especially high school!! Thinking of myself as a stupid fat piece of shit because I was so much heavier then basically 80% of the school. Putting my self down, and got to the point of hurting myself because I was so upset that I couldn't fit into a size 4. Always thinking and judging myself in the back of my mind "your the fattest one in the room".

I still catch myself sometimes thinking that way.
It's a hard habit to break.
Thankfully, now I have a man who reminds me everyday about how much he loves me.
And makes me feel so very special.

So before you go judging someone on there weight, stop and think.

How much are they judging themselves already?

Worthless.

This apartment/house hunting is really starting to get to me.
Since Dec, I have been looking.
and nothing.!
Peterborough is starting to look very very unlikely.
Starting to think we have to look in different areas now.
Unfortuantly because I really wanted Peterborough, and so did my brother in law.
My brother in law David is going to be living with us to help us with rent until we get onto our feet (again).
I am very thankful that David is willing to help out with us.
But I am having literally no luck finding a place.

God help us.

First steps!

So tonight at my aunt marcias house, ethan took his first steps!!!!!

I almost cried.

It was one of the most exciting things, I have ever witnessed.

Truly was a great moment, especially because we were surrounded by family who were just as excited.

Ilysm ethan!!

Its going to be hard.

So yesterday I realized how much my parents and ethan have gotten close. He is so attached to them that I don't think that he is going to cope very well when we move out. We have been living at my parents since December, he has gotten use to seeing them everyday, and he just loves them so much.

I am so grateful for my parents. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my parents.

But, chuck and I are looking for a new place in Peterborough ( I refuse to live far away from my family )
We've been having a hard time finding a place but I think were getting close.

I just really hope Ethan will be able to cope leaving his Gramie & Grampie.

Temper

so this passed week has been interesting um ethan has started hitting and biting and scratching and high pitched scream. he just started randomly 1 day hitting on the face and now it's gone downhill and I cant seem to stop him from doing it. I know its normal for kids to hit and bite and try to get away with it, but he is only a year!  And I feel horribly for hitting his hands and trying to discipline him . I've tried talking to him, smacking his hands ive even tried yelling at him. He just high pitch screams back at me.

That's another thing too, his high pitch screaming all day is driving me nuts. All day long nothing but screaming. I don't know what too do.

Busy Busy weekend.

So I haven't blogged in like a week because I have been crazy busy and haven't been home and blah.
So Thursday my Gramme Arden , and Uncle Andrew and cousins came down from New Brunswick for Ethan's first birthday party and my Aunt Kelly's surprise 30th.

Friday we had my Gramme's pizza, which is the best and only pizza I will eat.
It's amazing. We didn't end up leaving my Aunt Marcia's until like 10:30pm because I decided to bake Ethan's cake there, and the little bears. I was so tired like so incredibly tired.

Saturday morning the day of Ethan's party, of course it was rainy and crappy all day. Just our luck.
At 9 am we had to run out to the walmart, metro and my aunt's to drop stuff off for the surprise party.
We didn't get back to the house until like 11 and I had to get started on the icing for the cake.

Talk about frustrating! I kept screwing up, then the icing would be to runny. But i got it done, it shockingly looked rather good. I had fun baking it and everything but I don't know if i would do it again. It was cheaper then buying one I guess I'm just being dramatic LOL.

There was alot of people here! Especially because it was so crappy outside, but it truly was a great time!! Ethan got alot of awesome presents. And it was amazing seeing everyone who came!!
He was so tired though, cause of all the hustle and bustle.

My Aunt's surprise birthday party was a total success!!
Had alot of drinks and some good laughs.

Loved every minute of this weekend.

2017

Tonight my brother in law David is going to look at this townhouse for us tonight. He is going to be renting with us.

About three days ago this lady answered my ad on kijiji about a family looking for a home.

She pretty much gave us everything we were looking for.

Even the rent is under what I expected. Its a townhouse, but we can deal with that for a couple years.
Once we do find a house, its going to be our 5 year house.
I've moved 4 times in the past 2 years, and I am sick of it.

So I'm really hoping I hear good news tonight from my brother in law David.

Fingers crossed to finding our five year house!!!! :)

Teens in 2012

So what I don't get is the disrespect teens have now.
When I was a teen I was rotten, and I mean full on rotten. I was suspended from school idk how many times, got arrested moved out on my 16th birthday.
You name it, I did it.
And I still never disrespected my parents.
Ever.
Then I see kids, who get whatever they want and still treat there parents like shit.
I'm sorry child, where do you get off talking like that, and expecting the world but not doing shit too earn it.
Like a 14 yr old having a iphone 4s.
Seriously.
When I was a teen I had to pay for things like that myself.
And they just expect a hand out.
Wtf

Bloggin on the go

So I'm blogging from my phone today. Only because I am in Bowmanville for the next couple of days. A thing I want too talk about today is pre teen girls.

Now this might sound rude but I don't remember being so stupid. Harsh I know.
But I sat with my cousins last night and my cousin was going on about how she is upset because she has been single for three months.

Lmao

And then she started going on about her "ex" boyfriends, ex boyfriends pfff you're 15.

Then I started thinking about when I was 15.
Starting to experiment with drinking etc
And being totally obsessed with boys.
Thinking back on it now, I.think I was worse lmao.

Ethan's birthday with Daddy.

So Ethan and I went to Chuck's this past weekend.
It was fun, kinda.
Went fishing with the kids, and got the see my step-kids! Which was awesome, I've missed them so much.

 

We were going to go for a boat ride in Chucks grandfathers new Pawn tune boat, but it was way to windy :(

The kids played for hours though! It was alot of fun, and Mima (aunt shirley) made a nice big bbq dinner.

She also made Ethan's bday cake :) 

 Yep, thats right there's chocolate teddy games on it. LOL

So teaching Logan how to cast a fishing line, was to say the least difficult.

BUT! we taught him! Back, Button, Go.

Three simple little words, which made it so much easier!

Cheyanne wants to fish so bad, but she is to little.

She helped me hold my fishing pole.

Which seemed to make her happy :) 

Chocolate Wasted

 So the cake was delicuous, as per usual when Shirley makes it.
Wyatt and Ethan loved it! Cheyanne and Logan wouldn't eat it,
I don't know why, but I guess they just didn't want it.
But it was very good! Ethan and Wyatt got totally caked in chocolate.
It was so cute, until Wyatt got fed up with his highchair and smashed his ice cream bowl -_- Not cool.

 All in all, without thinking of all the drama.
It was a pretty good day spent with the kiddos.

It was so windy

 I love my kiddos!
So very very much.

This weekend.

This weekend is Ethan's first birthday.
I'm getting emotional just thinking about it right now, honestly.
I just love him so, so much.

Were going to Chuck's this weekend so that Chuck and his family get to spend his time with Ethan on this first birthday. Im excited but nervous at the same time.
I cant believe Ethan's going to be one.
Seriously a year old.

 He's quiet the character isn't he?
Anybody who hasn't had met him, you don't even understand.
He cracks me up on a daily basis.
The things he does, and comes up with, its hilarious!

Just lately he has started shaking his head yes and no.

It's amazing.

Today randomly I asked him if I could change his diaper. And he looked straight at my and shook his head NO. Me thinking maybe I was over reacting was telling my mom about it, and I could tell she seemed skeptical. Then I asked him again if I could change his diaper, and he shook his head NO.

So for about 30 mins we were asking him questions, watching his reactions. They were adorable.

That face he keeps doing ----->
That's his not liking the flash face.
He does it every time he see's someone with a white phone try and take his picture. My mother and myself have white phones.

God I just love him oh so very very very much!!

Ps. I wont be blogging until I get home from Chuck's on sunday!

Have a good weekend everybody.
I sure will with my ONE YEAR OLD!!

Second time coming, and still no difference.

I don't know what it is lately, but I have been feeling very overwhelmed.
Honestly that doesn't happen very often.
But for the last couple days I have been feeling very icky...
And me and my mom got into a fight the other, which NEVER happens.
Ever! We cop attitude with each other once in a blue moon, but we never full out yell at each other.
And I find myself, getting made at Chuck a lot more.
Like honestly I do get mad at him alot, but that's what you have to deal with when your in a relationship with a man child I guess #teehee
I don't know what it is, I honestly don't

But this blog post was more towards my parental side of my family.
So my father's side of the family, isn't huge on get together birthday party blah blah.
Ethan hasn't seen them since thanksgiving.
And it's not because they live to far, because we lived 45 mins from them
and we saw my mothers side which was 130 mins away more.
They didn't see the point of bringing us out on his first xmas because it was a "small" get together.
That I guess we weren't invited to.
Now I find out, that they are to "busy" to celebrate his first birthday with him.
Hmm interesting.

I don't know how anyone else would react, but i'm pissed.
I can't and refuse to understand how you can go almost a year without seeing him.
I know it happened to me and my brother, but I am not putting ethan, and any future child of mine threw this.
Simple as that.
I will now longer hold my breathe, waiting for you to visit.

Easter/Bobby's birthday.

So I just got back from easter dinner/cousins bobby's birthday dinner.
He's 13 today.
I can't believe how old they are getting!
I still think of bobby as a 4 year old.
Bobby is a inspiring "NHL" player ;)
He is getting quiet good actually.

Today was Ethan's first Easter dinner.
And he wouldn't eat any of it, which was weird cause we had Ham and Potatoes, and he loves! potatoes.
Usually...
So he had some buttered bread, couple bits of potatoes, half a banana, cheese puffs, and ice cream.
and to top it all off CAKE! how spoiled is he?
We had a awesome time though.
My uncle Nathan got this very cute video of Ethan and my cousin Noah laughing and playing together.
It was soooo adorable.
There so funny together, there a year and a half apart. And there starting to play so well together!!

I have a big week infront of me!
Tomorrow I get to go watch my friend Tasha's kids! I love them so much!<3
Friday I'm going to chucks to celebrate Ethan's first birthday with his side of the family!
I can't wait to see the kids!
Were also going to go look at houses! 3 of them, yay :D

Hmmmm

Lately I've been thinking of jobs that I can involve Ethan.
I've been thinking of,

• School bus driver! Which would be awesome,but I have to wait awhile before I can do that.
• Crossing Guard
• Babysitting out of my home, but im not sure how many kids you can have before having to get a daycare license. 

And then, i drew a blank....I have no idea, what other jobs I can do!

Bugs bunny

So I have decided to get a bunny once we find a house.
I have always wanted a bunny when I was growing up.
A good friend of mine Emily had a bunny, named frankie. (I think thats what his name was?)
Regardless he was amazing!
Since then I have wanted one so badly.
Knowing I can litter train them, bonus!
Its either a bunny or a micro pig.
But I'm pretty sure, C will be more willing to get a bunny then a mini piggy. ha!
I'm excited though!!

Going to look at acouple houses this weekend!
I'm praying they are nice, and we can pick one!

Easter Sunday

Today, I went for a swim with E, and good friends of mine N,C & kids at the rec center.
It would have been more fun, if Ethan wasn't so moody. Which totally wasn't his fault I woke him up
because I wanted to go swimming, haha.

But this blog entry is for me to talk about some people's parenting skills.
I am the last person to judge people on there parenting skills cause I know people think badly about mine.
But I could care less.
What I'm getting at is people pushing there parenting skills on others.
Everyone has there different opinions and ways of doing things! Which is totally cool.
And I am totally open to peoples suggestions, and some people's suggestions have honestly helped!
I just don't appreciate peoples believes being pushed on to me.
You do things your way and I'll do them mine.

Please don't be pushy.

Self destruct

Yesterday was not a good day, well yesterday night was not a good night I should say.
After doing some self medicating (which I'm definatly regretting this morning!)
I've comes to terms with me not caring what you think, what anyone thinks.

The only one that matters is Ethan.
And he has been the only one that matters for a very long time.
Considering I didn't have a lot of support from C's side to begin with.
and considering I still don't even though we have been together 2 years.
I don't care anymore.

I will not longer second guess myself, because your aunt did it differently.
I refuse to be told I'm not doing it right. I do amazing with Ethan so stfu
I am his parent 24/7 365 days a year. You just "play" a part.

The nerve of some people!

So today, I was baffled about the nerve of some people.
After our walk with J & T this morning, I had to run to the grocery store because I didn't feel like having chicken for dinner again.
So were in the grocery store in the baby section because I like checking to see if there is a sale on stuff I wouldn't normally get Ethan.
And this lady came up to us, and asked me how old he is
" Oh we will be a year in a couple days!"
and the lady said " Oh how sweet, already working on your second I see"

My heart sank to my apparently huge fucking stomach.
I just smiled, and she walked away.
I left the store immediately, I couldn't believe it. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
Feeling like the biggest, fattest piece of crap right now. Seriously? I thought you weren't suppose to just come out and say that to people. For this reason alone.

I could cry all over again just thinking about this.
It's not that im not trying to lose weight.
Sorry that its harder for me to lose it, then everyone else apparently.

Like I said in a previous post, not a fan of myself today.

Good Friday!

Today we spent our Good Friday with Jay & T-rav.
Man do I love those two.
We went for a 2 1/2 hour walk.
YES! I just said 2 1/2 hour walk.
It 's funny seeing Ethan and T-rav together, there about 3 1/2 months apart and so different!!
T-rav seems like such a toddler, with his mouth full of teeth and his running around.
And Ethan to me, seems like such a infant still it's so hard to believe that in 9 days he is going to be a year old.
Like seriously a year? Already.
It seems like yesterday I had him.

Wah :(

A April Morning.

Ethan's in such a good mood this morning, it's awesome!
For breakfast he ate banana's and pineapple's and animal crackers! nom nom nom :)
While we were eating our breakfast we were watching Cars 2, and Ethan started whining alot.
I couldn't figure out why? Then I noticed he started whining whenever "serious" parts of the movie happened.
You know, when the tense music comes and it gets darker and such. So i'm thinking maybe he is afraid?
He did the same thing last night when we watched Tangled.

Interesting...I think so.

I dont understand...

I don't know if it's normal for people to do this. But I am so sick of my thoughts fighting with each other.
I keep second guessing my choices, and arguing with myself about such well some days seem stupid and other days seem so sensitive. I wish just for once I could stick with something and not second guess myself.

It's really starting to affect my life.

Blah, tonight I am just not a fan of myself.

Starting a blogggg

So I've decided to start a blog, personally it's somewhere just to get thoughts, feelings whatever out. I don't know if anyone else is going to read this, but personally that doesn't matter to me.

I am a mother of one almost a year old son, Ethan.

He is my everything, he is such a little character. He has no teeth, yes that's right everyone he will be 12 months in 10 days and has no teeth. He is almost walking! Which is very exciting. 

It's sad that he doesn't get to see his dad that often. Maybe once a month. We have been living seperate since December and we have been looking for a place for us, and don't seem to be having any luck. Like any, at all.

Our relationship hasn't been the easiest, and I'm really hoping we can get threw this. It just seems like every time we turn around were getting hit by something. Not easy, at all.

I know relationships are tough, believe me I'm not trying to make ours sound like were hero's just for surviving a day. But for some reason our relationship has been harder than normal.

Hopefully things will start to turn around.